


but a thing isn't beautiful because it lasts

by tightfistofnerves



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), in its purest form
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-25 23:43:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21364624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tightfistofnerves/pseuds/tightfistofnerves
Summary: “We need to get a life,” is what he says and what he could’ve said, should’ve said is “together”.Her lips quirked up and she flicks him a teasing glance.“You first.”~or~Steve Rogers, and all his regrets.
Relationships: Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 10
Kudos: 70





	but a thing isn't beautiful because it lasts

**Author's Note:**

> this has been long overdue. 
> 
> listen to the song compass by the neighbourhood if u wanna cry w me.

“We need to get a life,” is what he says and what he could’ve said, _ should’ve said _ is “together”. 

Her lips quirked up and she flicks him a teasing glance. 

“You first.”

***

_ (She was so excited, for the mission, for the new possibilities, for the hope of life. _

_ She was so excited, and that was the worst part.) _

“I’ll see you in a minute,” Natasha quirks that teasing smile again, and the thing is, she isn’t entirely wrong. 

***

Before going to Vormir, Steve checks off all the other stones first.

Before going to Vormir, Steve stands completely still for as long as he could before traveling back in time.

Before going to Vormir, 

Steve cries. 

(“Whatever it takes,” Steve had once said,_ but I didn’t think it would take you. _)

***

Seeing the Red Skull again wasn’t the terrible part, it was seeing her body. 

And even that wasn’t the worst, because after Steve dropped the stone from the cliff into the dark abyss of death, he sees _ her _.

***

Natasha stands in front of him.

She looks so real that Steve wants to reach out and grab her, pull her close and never let her go. But somehow, with the glow of the eery sun reflecting off the lake and painting grey shadows across her lucid face, even Steve knows she’s not quite there.

“Did we do it,” Natasha asks, and her eyes shining with a sort of child-like hope.

“Yes,” Steve chokes out.

She frowns now, her state of tranquility disrupted, eyes sharpening in fear. 

“What did it cost?” 

Hot tears track down his worn face. He takes a step closer and takes her in, trying to memorize every detail.

“Everything.” 

***

Natasha, or whatever form of Natasha is in, stares at him, her cat-like eyes blinking. 

She tries to speak, and her mouth opens and closes and opens and -

“Steve,” she finally breathes out,

just Steve. 

***

They stand there together, _ always together _, drenched in the lapping currents of water, but somehow, Natasha stays dry.

They stand there for what feels like an eternity - and Steve wants for it to be an eternity because everything ends right? And this will end and Natasha will be gone. 

_ (He still remembers when they stood on that rock, death and despair and uncertainty surrounding them, but Natasha looked completely at peace.) _

“How was the view?” Steve finally breaks the silence, the tears dried on his face and the ghost of a smile on his lips. 

She gives him a real one, stretching across her face and reaching the crinkles of her eyes. 

“Dazzling.” 

They hang their heads and laugh, quiet like children sharing a secret, for just a moment. 

***

She breaks the silence next. Time must be running out; she’s becoming more lucent by the second.

“The wars over, Steve.” her voice is terribly quiet.

“You can go home.” 

“I -”, his voice cracks, and it's pitiful. The tears are back. “I don’t know where that is anymore.” (_ without you, where would I go without you? _)

She smiles wistfully. There’s something fighting behind her eyes, but a blink later and it’s gone. 

“I’m right where I want to be.” She sounds so certain that Steve almost believes her. He begins to understand.

“But you,” her eyes flicker to the outline of the compass in his pocket, then to his wrist. “You can go _ home.” _

Steve looks up at her, his heart pounding. He had thought of the possibility before, even lightly discussed the notion with Bucky, but - _ but _

“Go,” Natasha is stubborn_ , always was so stubborn _, but she’s also fading away, “go and get a life.”

_ (he does.) _

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact: this actually started with a series of unfinished fics and i decided to mush them all together  
fun fact: i will be crying forever.


End file.
